All The Things!

Vaguely related to my last post about traveling is the issue of wanting all the things, all at once.

Husband and I would like to have kids in about 4 years. Of course, we’ve got a laundry list of things we hope to accomplish before we have kids (not because we believe all accomplishment and personal advancement must immediately stop the second kids enter the picture, but just because some of these things are easier to do when you don’t have tiny little humans to care for). On that list are a few BIG things that involve either a lot of money, a substantial time commitment, or both. There’s some doozies on the list like going on at least two international backpacking trips, buying a house, and feeling stable and established in our careers before kids come into the picture.

We were not bringing in the big bucks before going to school (we were on the lower end of comfortable), but now that we’re both in school full time, we’re just barely making ends meet. We’re normally pretty aggressive savers, but with our current income, saving anything at all is pretty much impossible, as there is literally nothing left over after our basic needs are met (in fact, there’s a bit less than nothing left over). What that means is, saving for these big goals is on the back burner for a year while we further our education.

What that also means, is that once school is done, we’ll really only have 3 years left to accomplish a couple of our bigger financial goals. Our incomes right after school will likely put us firmly in the ‘lower middle class’ category (that will improve over time, we hope), and it’s overwhelming to think of how we’ll actually manage to save the downpayment for a house (we’re aiming to save $50,000, and we’re currently about 1/3 of the way there), while also saving for travel, without feeling like the goals are competing. We struggle a bit with feeling guilty that every dollar that goes towards our travel fund is pushing our goal of home ownership back a little bit more, but at the same time every dollar that goes into our house fund postpones our travel plans, which makes us feel like we’re trading experiences for stuff.

Realistically – will we be able to achieve both goals in the next 4 years? We’re really not sure. There’s definitely a strong feeling of wanting all the things, all at once, when we know that’s not necessarily realistic for us. We know we want to travel before we have kids, and I do genuinely believe we’d regret it if we didn’t fit any epic trips in before we reach that stage in life, so it’s definitely going to happen, but it’s challenging to reconcile the fact that that will impact our ability to have our own home on the timeline we’d expected. I’m learning to be patient and reminding myself that good things come to those who wait, but that is easier said than done.

I’ve never been famous for patience. Sigh.

Fever

Baby fever, that is.

Is it just me, or are babies suddenly everywhere?

It comes in waves – this completely impractical urge to have babies RIGHT NOW despite the fact that we, you know, have no money, are both in school full time, and frankly, are still a bit too selfish to commit to a small, needy child. We still have some traveling we want to do, a lot of school debt to pay off, and definitely want to buy a house before we expand our family, so we know kids aren’t in the cards for at least another 3 years.

But try telling my irrational uterus that. It wants a baby, and it wants it NOW. Sigh.

How do I make it stop?

Babies Are Scary

I may seem to be jumping the gun a bit talking about babies, but as I’ve been asked dozens of times since getting engaged/married when Husband and I plan to have kids (a. none of your business, b. not any time soon) – this topic has been on my mind.

As always, the fabulous blog A Practical Wedding/Reclaiming Wife had some perfectly relevant content for me today. There’s a lot of popular assumptions and stereotypes about how having children will impact your marriage, and the general social norm that’s paraded around is that kids will ruin your marriage, you’ll lose your identity, never have time for your husband, and you’ll generally become a motherhood martyr. I call BS on that one, and thankfully, so do a lot of wise, intelligent women out in the blogosphere who are actually living motherhood right now.

Which brings me to Liz of Happy Sighs who recently wrote a series on her blog about her early experiences with motherhood called “Babies Are Scary”. Despite the title, it’s not what you think. There’s 5 pieces in the series which touch on the realities of equal coparenting, sleep deprivation, the impact of babies on your marriage, what it’s actually like to stay home all day with your baby, and the fear of the unknown that accompanies parenting. What is most appealing about the pieces to me is that Liz subscribes to much the same view of life that I do – which is that your life is what you make it. I don’t care how cliche that saying may be, I think it’s one of the most important lessons people need to learn.

Anyway, let’s hear it in Liz’s words, you can check out the series here.